Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Uncle Mildred meets . . . Jonathan Sideboard


Latest Review:

5.0 out of 5 stars Well-Crafted Insanity, February 26, 2012
I loved this collection. Ian Ayris has a great voice that he puts in his characters, and the stories, while all generally noir, just run the gamut from straight grit to utterly bizarre. A lot of versatility with the writing style. Highly recommended.

Thank you for supporting the cause, Liam.  And for the lovely review :)


Warmest regards,


Ian

In an ongoing series, Uncle Mildred meets the various characters and ne'er-do-wells inhabiting the pages of UNCLE MILDRED AND OTHER STORIES - a collection of short stories in aid of cancer charities in the US and the UK.

Today, Uncle Mildred meets Jonathan Sideboard - from 'COLD', the third story in the UNCLE MILDRED AND OTHER STORIES collection.
 
He's a quiet one.  Jonathan.  Doesn't say much.  Do you, Jonathan?

See.

Nothing.

Lives at home with his old dad, from what I remember.  Mum passed away when he was a young'un.  That's right, isn't it, Jonathan?

Not a word.

We're sitting here in the bus shelter, having a chat.  Me and Jonathan.  I say 'having a chat', but he's too busy looking at the snow on the ground, sloshing it around with his feet.  And grinding his teeth.  I hate it when people do that.

Stop it, Jonathan.  Stop with the grinding of the teeth.  Thank you.

As I was saying, Jonathan lives at home with his old dad.  Just the two of them.  No-one knows what happened to Jonathan's mum.  Years ago, it was.  Like she just disappeared.  And Jonathan, as soon as you say too much about it, he just clams up.  Like it's all too much.

I said, Jonathan, it's like it's ALL TOO MUCH?

'I've got to go now.'

My, Jonathan, your eyes look dark today.

And I watch as he heads off into the snow.

COLD
First Paragraph:
Jonathan Sideboard trudged up the garden path, through the snow, to the front door of his house. The funeral had gone well. Well enough, it had to be said. His late father, Ernest Sideboard, eighty-four, was six foot below ground. Six whole feet separating him from the surface of the earth. From Jonathan. And a funeral couldn’t go better than that, he thought.

COLD began simply enough.  A colleague of mine told me how an ex-boyfriend of hers had a death fantasy about dying sat naked in a deck chair in the garden, as the snow fell.  Couldn't let that one pass me by.  Soon as I got home, I got started.  Twenty minutes later, COLD was written, and Jonathan Sideboard was born.

COLD was originally published in the brilliant PULP METAL MAGAZINE on 22nd August 2010

NEXT WEEK: Uncle Mildred meets . . . Mrs Ethel Smidgen. 

All proceeds from the sale of UNCLE MILDRED AND OTHER STORIES will be donated to CANCER RESEARCH UK and THE BREAST CANCER CHARITIES OF AMERICA.

To read why this cause is so massively important to me, please click here

Thank you for your support.

Warmest regards,

Ian 






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